Two Girls, One Swipe, the ADK Story
I thought Valentine’s Day would be a little depressing for six single gals in the city, but I really didn’t anticipate the night ending in a police precinct. It started with a Comedy Show called “Love Sucks” where several comedians shared their worst Valentine’s Day tales…I think I have some good material for next year’s show.
After a few drinks with all mah single ladies, four of us decided to head back uptown to continue to the drinking/man-hating. We contemplated a cab but since we were already so close to Union Square and we all had monthly subway passes, we decided we’d just catch the 6. As we approached the turnstyle , I realized that I had left my monthly subway pass in my other jacket. Not wanting to buy a stupid one-way pass, I convinced my usually straight-edged roommate to double swipe me through.
After about three minutes, a large scary man in an ENYCE sweatshirt asked us to come with him. He flashed a plastic Party City badge that definitely did not convince me he wasn’t trying to pull us into a corner to rape us. Confident in my kickboxing skills, I followed him and his equally frightening looking friend down the subway corridor. He pulled JLH and I into a tiny room…I guess the badge wasn’t from Party City after all. He told us he had caught us on camera, and would have to write us each tickets for double-swiping. I tried to explain that I was incredibly sorry and have paid for a monthly pass and could bring it back to show him. When that didn’t work, I reminded him that it was Valentine’s Day and nobody loved us. When even THAT didn’t work, I encouraged him to only write me a ticket, as I made JLH do it. Officer ENYCE would have none of it, and handed us each tickets….for $100 each.
Obviously, I am paying for JLH’s ticket too. Below please find a list of things I would have preferred to spend $200 on last night.
- 20 Shots of Jameson.
- A plane ticket to Vegas (Jet Blue, but still a plane ticket).
- 200 Flashbucks at the Strip Club.
- A cab ride home for all four of us…actually a cab rides home for the entire bar.
- Two monthly subway passes.
- Someone to punch Officer Enyce in the face.
- A Valentine.
-A
The No Pants Dance
Sorry we’re not sorry for riding the subway without pants. We had actually lost our pants during an awkward one-night stand the night before, but the coincidence of Improv Everywhere’s ‘No Pants Subway Ride’ made a great cover. We blended in perfectly, and even learned about the power of pants in Union Square.
- J & A
‘The History of Pants’
‘Are Pants Right For You?’
